Psychotically Stable

 Shuttered 09/05/2022   Eyes partially closed and hiding the truth She sits in her chair, with a glass She chose wine to medicate her hidden thoughts The glass is hiding from the thoughts that are true   She drank from the glass and her thoughts collapsed They shattered and split and toiled Words bounced away from her processes Darkness, emptiness unpacked.   As she drank sips of wine, she envisioned What dreams she had she froze Her heart grieved for what could be Her plans and pain imprisoned   She loved him but said she didn’t He didn’t push her away He pulled her into his bedroom Energy and time left and went   Tonight, alone with her tears Her sorrow drifted to her glass Her thoughts are now shuttered This was the only way to make this last.   The love she has is broken Nothing to mend or seal She cries 1 tear of emptiness for the love she spoke to him.   Her thoughts lay in shutters But she sees him again He told

  The Collapse 09/04/2022       She craved the act, the complexities that followed She was careful by not speaking What he didn’t allow though Her mouth was tied up what she didn’t know The act sold her soul And reality flowed.   She was breathless with weakness And unallowed feelings emerged She cast them aside Her brain focused and delivered a thought She couldn’t hold on and kept it inside   She raged and kissed him and fought In silence and the antonym of morals A jolt occurred and she cried even more so   It was like a poem that shook her Then she collapsed It drained her soul by the very act Days to process, minutes to react The cloud of disparity and shroud of contact.      

  Cut 09/03/2022   The cuts lay vertical and horizontally What’s gotten into me Eminem wrote that line The poem the Cut is easy to rhyme   Careful so there’s not any blood You’d not want to be found in a pool of red Murder She Wrote isn’t part of it How many cuts does it take before you decide to quit?   Oops there’s scars on the feet At least they can’t be seen Hidden underneath a sock Even in your sleep   Now you think I wouldn’t actually do this But think again, how do I get my mind through this Nothing said can actually make it better It doesn’t hurt so what does it matter?   Hidden scar no blood on me None of the floor or the vanity I may need psychiatry But no, I just laugh at me.   Oh look, me rhymes with calorie Get calories low enough and the mind becomes treachery The pain is an utter catastrophe Cut and run up and say hello to me.  

  Silence in the Darkness 09/02/2022   Silence is deafening The sound of empty souls The quiet darkness cutting undesirable thoughts The sound of a lullaby full of fraught   Silence in the darkness The sound of empty words Indeterminate waves of constant reminders Of the emptiness bummer of nothing heard   Silence in the darkness I sit empty in the room Silence comes to me so innocently And tears my soul that doesn’t move   Silence in the darkness Constant words that shatter Does anyone hear the rhythm? And does it even matter?

  1000 red knots Compassion must be learned  it must be relearned if forgotten That includes compassion to self and compassion to others With each knot tied to make a bracelet of thousand of knots infusing compassion of earth, compassion of a nation, A nation in mourning, a nation crushed, each knot I tie, each prayer I recite  I recited Om Padne Mani Hum with each knot  I tried to heal the world but it kept crushing with violence and gun shots.  Lawrence Kansas to the people of Ukraine, as I tie each knot of red embroidery floss, each fiber, each pull of thread to each mantra I said. Healing the world with compassion and the world seems to become worse. Maybe getting worse will lead to healing will lead to world peace. 1000 knots from end to end Healing the earth And healing within. 

I hand washed my sweater. While hand washing my sweater, I wrote this poem.  Hand Washed A Sweater I hand washed my sweater Thousands of acrylic threads Itchy and unrefined Each thread with 10 fibers refusing to soften like twine Each thread washed alone,  With detergent and softener squeezing, rinsing and done. The fibers swished water dripped on the floor I squeezed water on my socks soaked the floor. My feet were cold from the sweater dripping and wet My sweater died a little during the wash My mind drifted as I held the flaccid threads. PS my sweater is fine.  It only affected my mind.